If I could…
If you could take back something you did to someone, what would it be? Turn against bgl, ayl and lvm. They were good persons, most especially ayl. I actually didn’t turn against ayl but because I hated the person who took her place, it felt like she’s the one I turned against from. I remember [...]
Asking for a little help
A friend helps you when you are in need. Especially if that friend is someone you consider your best friend! I reached out to him to help me with a really big problem I currently have. Just simple information he couldn’t even give to me. And I already begged him to. I explained to him [...]
Crying lady
Lately, I’ve been finding myself crying more and more. Not in front of anybody, mind you, but when I am alone or while pretending to be working. I tell you, I cry over the silliest things! A tv ad, a dramatic scene from a soap I’m watching, over a poignant story about a celebrity, and [...]
Sorry, mama.
I feel extreme guilt when it comes to my grandma. I didn’t get to spend enough time with her the past three years. I was always at home in front of my computer or out with friends or my sisters. When I do get to visit, I stayed for less than an hour or if [...]
Regrets
Regrets. I have many of this. My biggest regret is letting bgl down. Back then, I look at him as the devil incarnate. Looking back, he was a good person, probably one of the best I’ve ever met, the second best boss I’ve ever had. He’s just an intense person. And I misinterpreted those times [...]
Angered easily
I get angry so easily these days. Sometimes, it borders on being violent. No, I don’t hit anybody but the urge to do so is overwhelming. And I raise my voice. I can’t help it. Afterwards, when I have spent myself, I would start feeling guilty. But then little things trigger my anger and it [...]
Old fool
I hate how my dad reacts when we correct him. He either ignores it like he doesn’t hear anything or he would sulk! He’s 53 for crying out loud! Do we really need to correct him all the time? He still smokes a lot and drinks a lot when he knows he has heart problems. [...]
Worrying about my brother again
Lagi na lang akong nagwo-worry sa brother ko. It seems that trouble finds him even if he stays far away from it. Like today. He told me that he’s staying at a classmate’s condo to finish up a project. He is an IT major. But my gut instinct tells me he’s not doing some project. [...]
Right people
Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. – Albert Camus There are times when I ask myself if I chose the right people to be around me. I was stuck with my pre-conceived notion of who [...]
Raves AND rants
Do you expect your friend to listen to your rants? Not all the time. But sometimes, I do. I don’t know, that’s my definition of a friend. Being there for the raves and the rants, right? I just find it sad that some friends feel like being there for you only on the good times. [...]
White flag
There are days when I feel like raising the white flag already. I am also human. I get all riled up and exhausted from too much worries. And then for some drama to be acted out at home… I never liked being the parent, when I should have been the child. I hate always being [...]
What’s wrong with me?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I can think of is it might be the hormones. There are moments in a day when I feel like crying. I try to divert my attention. I blog. I do more stuff just to shake off what I am feeling. I hate feeling so darn sad! [...]
I am…
a bit worried, yes. I can’t help it. I will try to curb this negative emotion. There are just so many things happening right now. I am planning so many things. And I am on the brink of going back to that place I am trying to avoid. Oh well. No escaping it. Next year, [...]
I wish…
I am in that beach above. Alone. With a good book and a cold buko juice. Seafood waiting for lunch. A full body massage before going to bed at night. Alone. It’s such an appealing word to me right now. I wish I have some alone time. I wish I can afford some alone time. [...]
Rant blog
If you will notice, this blog is my rant blog. I have a more “public” blog where I share more positive thoughts. I need a blog where only a few people know me and where I can vent my anger on people around me. Thus this blog. And the reason why the title of the [...]
Going sentimental
I just go sentimental when I hear Water Runs Dry by Boyz II Men. If I remember it correctly, this song was always played during those times that I was down and out. So when I hear it, I somehow get transported back in time. Come to think of it, I get sentimental in every [...]
Memories from the ICU
For some reason, memories from the ICU the night before my mom died flashed back in my mind. I saw her suffer from heart attack a few minutes after she was wheeled in from her suite. I can still hear her calling my name while medical attendants were transferring her to the ICU. She was [...]
Old age?
Is this a sign of growing older each passing day? Lately, I realized that I get hurt easily. I mean my feelings get easily offended. This person, who I thought I was really close to, have been snubbing me for some reason known only to him. I thought he was just busy. But you know [...]
Crossroads
I’m currently at a crossroads. I am torn between going back to the world I once knew and continuing with the world I am in right now. I don’t want to go back to the way I once was, always worried when the next paycheck will come, always worried that I might not have enough [...]
Heavy dreams
For several days now, I kept on dreaming about things that made me feel bad. Like one time, I woke up with a heavy heart because in my dream, my uncles and aunts taunted me and my dad for praying. In another dream, I woke up totally pissed off about something I already forgot. And [...]
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