Sorry, mama.
Posted on July 8, 2010 | Comments Off
I feel extreme guilt when it comes to my grandma. I didn’t get to spend enough time with her the past three years. I was always at home in front of my computer or out with friends or my sisters. When I do get to visit, I stayed for less than an hour or if I stayed longer than that, I would not be by her side for long.
I am just not good with sick people. What happened to my mom was really traumatic for me. Others may not see me crying or just laughing things off but deep inside I am also grieving, devastated by losing a loved one. I saw my mom breathe her last. The same happened with my brother. I don’t want to see another love one die in front of me. My grandma suffered during the last week of her life. I didn’t go to her until the last two days. I was scared! I didn’t want to see her in pain. I just couldn’t.
Even with these valid reasons, I still feel extremely guilty I wasn’t there to hold her hand or soothe her during her last days. I don’t know how I could have done that but I probably should have braved it out and did it just the same. I just feel so guilty I didn’t get to hug or kiss her for the last time.
