Crying lady
Posted on July 9, 2010 | Comments Off
Lately, I’ve been finding myself crying more and more. Not in front of anybody, mind you, but when I am alone or while pretending to be working. I tell you, I cry over the silliest things! A tv ad, a dramatic scene from a soap I’m watching, over a poignant story about a celebrity, and so much more. My sister would often tease me that it’s called growing old. But I think it’s something to do with the fact that I bottle up my emotions a lot.
I didn’t cry when my brother was dying. I cried a little when my mom died. I didn’t cry at all when my grandmother died. It’s not because I wasn’t grieving during those times. It’s because I felt that I was the strong one in the family that I should not show any weakness of every one would break down. Especially with my brother and my mom. I am the eldest so I should always be the pillar of strength for my siblings and my dad. It was tough, showing a tough appearance but bawling like a baby inside. I guess since I had no choice, I was able to pull it off again and again.
And now, it’s slowly showing, my weaker side. The tears that I held on during those times are now slowly spilling over. It’s tiring, exhausting, to be always tough. But I take my position in the family very seriously I am determined to be strong for as long as I can.
I just have to make do with pretending that my eyes are just tired when the tears came spilling down again.
