416 words in post 
Comments offMy grand-aunt called up this morning while I was still asleep. She told my dad that my grandma, my mom’s mom, is not eating much these past few days. When she eats, the food goes back up. Of course, when my dad relayed the news to me, I started worrying. My grandma is a diabetic. My worry is that if she has to be hospitalized, I don’t have enough money to support the hospitalization. Where do I get the money? Sure, I am earning more than the average person but it’s only enough to support my brother’s college fees and our daily expenses at home. Some little funds left go to an occasional malling or eating out with my sister. But to support my grandma’s hospitalization… I don’t think I can ever have enough.
Now, I am back to worrying about so many things. I am going back to the corporate world, I know, but somehow, I kept thinking that if I am only supporting my dad and my brother, the money I am earning monthly will be more than enough. But I am supporting so many people. My maternal grandma and my paternal grandparents.
Just when I thought I can start saving up the worry starts again. Minsan naaawa na rin ako sa sarili ko sa dami ng iniisip ko. Minsan napapaisip pa ako na dami ko sanang pera kung sarili ko lang sinusuportahan ko but I have my family to support and my grandparents. If you see me, I swear I look so much older than my age. Too many worries etched on my face. Unless you know me personally, you’d think I already have a very large family of my own. But I am single and does not even have a child of my own yet I already sent three sisters to college and now a brother is on his second year in college. I feel like I’ve given birth to four kids and I am already coming back from a journey to motherhood.
I don’t regret helping my family. I will never regret that. Even the occasional financial help to relatives who are really in need. But I swear, this constant worrying is turning my hair gray and eating so much of my life. If I can only say that bahala na si Batman, I would. But if I do that, it’s still me who will bear the brunt of not taking care of the problem head on.
